The Universe Doesn't Give a $#@! About Your Plans (But that's okay!)


The Universe doesn't give a shit about your plans. Startling from a spiritual blogger? Probably. But it's true. At least sometimes.

While I believe in free will, I also believe the Universe will nudge us in the right direction when we need a little guidance. Sometimes this nudge can feel like a kick in the nuggets while you're already kneeling. Life can be funny like that. 

It's happened to me many times before (one time of which is documented here), it's happening to me now, and I have no doubt it will happen again. Because I'm a Taurus, which means I can be stubborn. But I had plans, damn it! Plans that were already plotted out in a day planner. That shit is binding!

Yet sometimes the Universe has bigger plans. Plans we can't always see at the time. Plans that usually make sense in hindsight, even though it really, really sucks at the time.

Bear with me here. I'm a little cranky from lack of sleep. =D

This blog, for example, came only after the Universe gave me a proverbial shove. I spent a few years trying desperately to become a novelist. I wrote several novels, some I'm extremely proud of, some that need serious editing. (Learning curve and what not.) But no matter the genre I wrote or the approach I took, nothing ever seemed to really stick. The turning point came when, after a few months of fruitlessly wasting my days at the keyboard spending more time deleting useless prose than producing anything even marginally readable, I realized something was amiss. Something was inhibiting my creativity, and I needed to let go and trust. Because fighting it was futile. Sort of like trying to windsurf in a hurricane.  

After a session of brainstorming that, in honesty, looked a lot more like me talking AT my husband than actual chatting (You can read more about that here), the idea for this blog came to me from seemingly nowhere. And you know what? I'm really flipping glad something stopped me from writing that novel. Because I truly love writing for this blog. And more than writing, I've found interacting with you lovely readers far more fulfilling than I ever imagined. With complete sincerity, thank you for every comment, every "like," and every e-mail, because each and every interaction is genuinely appreciated.

My long-winded point, dear friends, is that once again the Universe has kicked me in the ass nudged me towards something yet unseen. Don't fret! The blog is not going anywhere! In fact, my love for this site is why I'm more than a little cranky about said nudge.

Basically, writing feeds my soul. Writing at the computer feeds, well, nothing. Years ago, when I was a teen, someone made a foolish mistake, like humans tend to do. A driver pulled out in front of me, realized he didn't have enough time to cross the rural highway, and stopped dead in my tracks. Fortunately no one was seriously injured. Unfortunately, my neck has been more jacked up than a football bat ever since. And working on the computer is not helping things. Generally, this manifests as intense migraines. But lately it's gotten even worse. (Because evidently a silly little migraine just wasn't enough to get my attention!) After a few months of numb hands, searing nerve pain, and horrific sleep, my chiropractor broke the news: computer work sucks for people.

All people. The human kind of people. Because it jacks with posture. We were meant to frolic in the woods, not live on iPhones.

With that said, I took a week off from the computer, focused on physical activity, and I felt 80% better! Good news for my body! Bad news for the blog.
The answer is simple: I need to slow down. Which is the exact opposite of what I had been doing up until last week. You see, 2018 is the year my husband and I have been waiting for. In a mere 6 months, his contractual obligation to the government is over. We get to pack up everything we own, move clear across the country (treeeeesss!), change careers (farming!), and squeeze in a cross-country trip in the process. A trip we've spent the last 5 years scrimping and saving for. It's truly a chance of a lifetime, one I'm super grateful for and don't intend to squander!

In order to make sure you wonderful Pagans were supplied with spell-tacular goodies while we are on the road, I've been doubling up on work, furiously writing posts and trying to squeeze out one more book before we hit the road.

Again...in 6 months. All while dealing with the logistics of a cross-country move. That's kind of a crap load of work. Which is a legit unit of measure, by the way. I think it's part of the metric system. But I had it allllll scheduled out in my adorable little day planner. Post-its and all. That shit was tighter than a pair of jeans from 15 years ago. 

And the Universe laughed and laughed and threw in a road block. Because apparently it has something else in store. Probably healing. Because you know what would really ruin our hard-earned road trip? Not sleeping due to nerve pain. I'm a horrible person when I'm tired. Really. Like, even I can't stand me. Have you seen how much swearing has made it into this post? And that's what I didn't edit out. =/

As a side note, I know I'm most definitely not the first person to deal with pain, especially poorly-timed pain. So I'm guessing you can relate. If you can, keep searching for answers. Because healing comes in many forms and it's different for every single person. Your body was meant to heal. Don't give up because someone tells you it's impossible! But that's a topic for another post.

With that said, I made the decision to begrudgingly start posting on the first Monday of every month rather than every other week. It wasn't a decision that came lightly, because I feel like I'm letting you down a bit. But it's something I realized I had to do. Because you can't trade health in the name of work. It's a raw deal, dude! Don't do it. And said book, (that, by the way, was going to be holly and mother-fing jolly), has been put on hold. Not forever, since I already outlined the GD thing. I should seriously just burn my day planner. Is nothing sacred anymore?! *waves numb hands*

But it's time to put my money where my coffee-hole is and actually trust the process, which brings me to the point of this post:

Sometimes we simply have to let go and have faith that the Universe has the map. And the compass. And a really kick-ass nav system. 

Don't get me wrong. A person can't throw in the towel the moment something gets a touch challenging. But if you've been coming at a dilemma from left, right, over the top, around the back, and up the middle and you STILL can't make it work, there's usually a reason. As much as we may fight and despite any tantrums we may throw, no amount of swearing is going to force the square resolution into a round hole. 

Using my own situation as an example, I can't tell you why this puzzle won't come together. Maybe it's as simple as needing time to replenish the creative reserves. Maybe I've been neglecting my own health in the name of work (somewhere, miles away from this computer, my sweet husband is nodding vigorously and he has no idea why.). What I can tell you is I've chosen to trust. That doesn't mean it's not uncomfortable. And that doesn't mean I'm not questioning every single decision I'm making right now. I'm human, a stubborn one at that. But I am working on letting go of the need for complete control. Because the Universe hasn't failed me yet, and I trust it's not leading me down a dark alley just to rob me and steal my sneakers.

I mean, they were $20 at Target. I'm *pretty* sure the Universe can afford that.

Despite technology literally being a pain in my neck, it also helps me track what you most enjoy on the blog. Which—surprise, surprise!—is spells and sabbats. So guess what this blogger is queuing up for you? =D

I want to express how much I truly appreciate your support and readership, which is why this decision was difficult for me. I genuinely love interacting with you! I feel energized by writing spells and answering readers’ questions and getting into very strange positions just to get that perfect angle for a photo. When I say this site has been a blessing, one of the few things to keep me sane during my last couple years in hell the desert, I’m not exaggerating. I'm truly humbled by your support, which is why I’m not too pleased to slow down the process, because I fear a drop in material will kill readership.

*Deep, calming breaths*

But the reality is I can't jeopardize my health. Because if I lose my arms it will be impossible for me to write at all. Or to apply mascara. I'm Irish, man. You can't tell I have eyelashes without it!

So while the quantity may ebb just a bit, quality will remain my focus. Think of this site like a really killer cheese platter. =D

The beauty in being spiritual individuals is that we don't have to have all the answers all the time. Sometimes you simply need to heed the signs, find a little balance, and trust the Universe. Because it hasn't lead you astray (or stolen your sneakers) thus far! ;)


Has the Universe ever shoved you in a direction you didn't want to take? Have you ever left a troublesome path only to find the new option is more appropriate?


By using this site, you agree you have read the full DISCLAIMER.
NOTE: As with any recommendation found on this blog, consult your doctor or naturopath before use.

Full Moon Energy Spray


Have you ever felt so burned out by a person or situation that you couldn't find the energy to smudge a room despite knowing it would make you feel better? I always feel revitalized after a good sageing (is that a word?). But sometimes I feel so drained I have to garner the strength just to get my ass up and swipe a smudge stick around.

Maybe I'm just hopelessly lazy?

There's a joke between my husband and I that our family are like those little mechanical dogs you used to see in mall toy stores back in the 90s. Remember KB Toys? Whenever I think of that now defunct toy store tucked away in the back corner of the local mall, I think of that table with the clear sides that housed all those noisy mechanical toys strategically placed juuust at the edge of the mall's walkway so that exhausted, overheated (stupid overheated malls!) parents would be reluctantly dragged over by eager-eyed children to watch overpriced gadgets do back flips and bark and croak or whatever the hell they did that made children melt down in toy-crazed need, inevitably breaking the spirits willpower of fatigued parents. Well, those toys are the perfect representation of our extended family. 

Not every member of course. Some of them are sane. ;) But it seems the moment one of the crazier relatives starts with some drama, it somehow sets the others off, proverbially yapping and doing back flips and causing general pandemonium through the damn phone. (We don't live near any family.)

It's even more perplexing because his family resides in Texas while mine is all in New England. They don't chat, nor have they ever even met! Yet somehow if his mother calls with a bomb, one she loving likes to detonate and calmly skip away while we are left with smoke and debris and shit, inevitably someone goes wonky on my side of the nut tree.

I think I'm gonna go with a pecan tree. Those make a mean cookie. 

Now, not to sound cliche, but my mother-in-law is...intense. And in case you feel I'm biased, my husband is the calmest person I've ever met. Like, sloth-level chill. And even he gets flustered by her...quirks. Let me give you one of the lighter examples since dark familial secrets isn't the theme of this blog. 

Many years ago, just before my husband and I got married, we were doing what most soon-to-be-newly-weds do at four in the morning: sleeping.

...Get your mind out of the gutter, my friend! =P

The phone rang and like anyone who has ever had the phone ring in the middle of the night, your rear end puckers, your stomach drops, and you immediately think of your eldest family member with a feeling of dread. With the raspy voice of someone awakened from deep REM sleep, my husband answered the phone, clearly apprehensive of the life-altering news awaiting us. It was his mother calling to break the somber news thaaaaat—she bought a puppy!

Listen, the only thing better than dogs is baby dogs. I will pole vault tables to get to a puppy. Have you read my bio? I adore puppy breath and adamantly feel someone needs to bottle that little exhale of heaven. But you know what I don't adore? People calling me at 4 in the morning. 

"Mom, it's 4 A.M." my husband said, rubbing his eyes as he pushed away the alarm clock that would be screeching in a mere two hours, waking us for work. Her response was what you'd expect from any normal, contrite person who made a flub. Did I say normal? I meant crazy.

"Ohhh. I thought it was 5." 

Because 5 A.M. is a much more appropriate time to ring people. Really. Try it some time. Preferably with an ex from high school you haven't spoken to in 10 years. I'm certain it will go over swimmingly. 

Both sides of our family struggle with the time exchange, especially since Arizona (where we lived at the time) doesn't observe Daylight Savings Time. But let me give you a hint to help you remember the difference between Texas and Arizona time: Don't call me at 4 AM. Or five, for that matter. Unless someone is dead. Then feel free to give me a ring-a-doodledoo. Because if a person calls me and no one is dead, guess who's about to be?

*Maniacal grin*

He politely entertained her insanity while I continued to mutter, "Just hang up." into a pillow. Rude? Sure. But I tend to get a bit edgy when startled awake at 4 in the morning. Maybe if she was calling to tell me she was giving US a puppy I could have mustered some enthusiasm. But she wasn't. She woke me up and she was hogging all the puppy breath. Pft!

A few years later, weeks after moving into our first home, she called to invite herself to stay with us for a couple weeks. Not entirely unusual when you live out of state. What was off-putting was her adding, "And I'm going to invite my brother. We have some stuff we need to work through from childhood, and I know he'd like to see you."

Let me translate for you: an uncle my husband hasn't seen in 15 years would like to visit. So why not overlap that with some family counseling...in my living room! Did I mention this would have been only the THIRD time I'd even encountered this woman? I'd never even met his uncle. Yes, please go Jerry Springer in my new home. Because family visits that don't involve intense emotional counseling just aren't sufficient quality time.

Needless to say, said visit never happened and my living room couch remained blood-free. But certainly you can see the pattern of...dramatic interactions. Yes, we'll go with "dramatic interactions." And again, these are the entertaining, fluffy examples. I haven't even gotten into the dark crap, because I simply can't put a humorous twist on that warped shit. 

Some people call these types of draining personalities psychic vampires, because you tend to drag yourself away feeling energetically depleted. There have been times I've hung up the phone and can feel the pressure of the conversation weighing on my energetic body like that kid in elementary school that always asked for help getting up but once you proffered a hand they opted not to do any of the work and instead sat there like a sack of potatoes as you heaved them to their feet. 

Please tell me I'm not the only person this has happened to.

The long-winded  point, my dear readers is that sometimes you feel so depleted or weighted by a situation that even the remedy feels taxing. But instead of resolving to be the potato sack from gym class, there's an easy fix!

Go Boy Scouts on that shit and be prepared! ;)

Full Moon Energy Spray is a simple way to clean the gunk from a room when you don't have the inclination to stroll around your house with bells and a feather as you perpetually re-light your smudge stick, getting a serious upper body workout as your waft away your energetic troubles.

Yes, I am being hyperbolic since smudging is generally an enjoyable task. But you can't honestly tell me I'm the only person who has, on occasion, held a smoldering sage bundle by the air intake of the climate control and called it good? If you're out there, dear soulmate, please give me a "hell yeah!"

As with many of my spells, this one can be personalized to include whatever essential oils you have on hand if you don't have a recommended oil. Listen to your instincts and use whatever oils feel uplifting, cleansing, positive, and make you happy. Remember, this is your spell. You do you, my friend! ;) 

So, the next time your mother-in-law calls to announce she's coming for a month-long torture visit, or a disagreement left you feeling drained, simply spritz your Moon Spray in each corner of the room, plus a few in the middle, and take a deep breath of purified energy!

Side note, I do recommend you be very careful about using essential oils around animals*. This is a point of debate, but essential oils are highly concentrated and can be disruptive to animals' nervous systems. Particularly cats. So play it safe and keep the furries out of the room until you're done. =D 

What You Need:
2 oz spray bottle, light-block preferred**
Scant 2 oz filtered water (distilled is even better!)
13 drops grapefruit essential oil
9 drops lemon essential oil
3 drops clary sage essential oil

*Animals can be very sensitive to essential oils, even when applied externally. Unless you are working with a trusted healthcare provider, I highly recommend NOT using essential oils on animals.


**No need to buy supplies! Use what you have on hand and adjust the oil amounts accordingly. If you only have a clear bottle, simply keep it stored in a cupboard to retain the strength of the oils.

How to Conjure:
-Combine all ingredients in your bottle and shake well. You'll want to shake before each use. If you're using a plastic bottle, feel free to toss in a small clear quartz crystal if desired. Because this could crack your bottle, avoid if using glass. 

-Take a few deep, centering breaths before placing your Moon Spray on a windowsill in the light of a full moon (in other words, don't cast when feeling frazzled! =D ). 

-With your palms facing the bottle, envision the cool, tranquil light of the full moon entering the bottle and filling your spray with calming, serene energy. Then say:


With each mist I cleanse and dispel,
Any negative energy. All is well.
With each spray, the room is imbued,
With positivity and blessings,
From the light of the moon.

-Leave overnight in the moonlight. Come morning, give your Moon Spray a good shake and get to energy cleansing! Simply spritz in each corner of the room (towards the ceiling) and give a few sprays around the center. You can also mist doorways to cleanse any junk people may carry in with them. 


There you have it! Next time you're feeling too weary to sage your troubles away, you can mist some good vibes into your dwelling. No matches required! Which may be a good thing when you have in-laws trying to conduct a counseling session in your house. ;)




Enjoy this spell? Why not stock up with a whole YEAR of full moon spells?! Check out By the Light of the Moon: 13 Simple & Affordable Pagan Spells & Rituals for a Year of Full Moon Celebrations! Every purchase supports the blog, so thank you! ♥


What's your favorite way to energy cleanse when you're feeling blah? Have you ever experienced a "psychic vampire"?


By using this site, you agree you have read the full DISCLAIMER.
NOTE: As with any recommendation found on this blog, consult your doctor or naturopath before use.
Some of the above links are affiliate links, which means I make a small percentage AT NO ADDITIONAL COST TO YOU. Affiliate links help keep PennilessPagan.com alive and supplied, so thank you!!♥

The Magick of a Blue Moon


2018 is going to be a magical year (and not just because I'm leaving New Mexico!).

2018 boasts not one but TWO blue moons in the first quarter. If you're keeping track, this hasn't happened since we partied like it was 1999. 

Does anyone else smell Curve? Does that perfume still exist? Thirteen-year-old Michaela lived for Curve. And Hanson. And silver hair mascara. The Hanson adoration lives on (Stop rolling your eyes. They really are talented!). The perfume and hair dye, not so much.

In case you're unfamiliar, a blue moon is when two full moons occur within the same calendar month. This astrological treat takes place roughly once every two and a half years. 2018 is really special because I'm getting the hell out of the desert there will be TWO blue moons—January and March (both on the 31st). Two blue moons in the same year happens about four times a century, which means we'd be lucky to experience this four times in our life!

....and I'm about to experience my second? Please hold while I have an existential crisis.

The next time we'll encounter a double-blue-moon year will be 2037, which isn't even a real year. I mean, seriously? Twenty thirty-seven?? Have you seen how technology has changed in the last decade?! People will be cyborgs by then...

A blue moon can also mean the third full moon when four occur within a season, but that definition seems to be waning in popularity.

Ha, moon humor.

Aside from the normal heightened feminine energy of a full moon, a blue moon can represent second chances, reminding us to embrace them while we have them. After all, rarely in life do we get a second go at an important opportunity. This is also a highly magickal time where our connection to the Divine is strengthen as we bear witness to an infrequent celestial event. Now is a moment to connect with spiritual energies (our own and others), embrace heightened intuition, and (of course!) practice magick. 

To help you with your blue moon conjurings, I've complied a list of moon-focused spells as well as a few others to assist you in celebrating this sacred event with simplicity! 

If you're seeking a little abundance, try these helpful spells!





If you're in need of some blessings, cast these bad boys!





Need to remove some funky energy? These will do the trick!





Protection isn't just for the bedroom! ;)





In need of some balance? Whip up a batch of this thirst-quenching moon tea!


Looking for more ways to satisfy your lunar desires? Check out By the Light of the Moon: 13 Simple & Affordable Pagan Spells & Rituals for a Year of Full Moon Celebrations. Every purchase helps keep the blog supplied with loads of free resources, so thank you for your support! ♥


Now that you're all spelled-up, don't forget to mark your calendars for the 31st of January AND March to celebrate the magick of two blue moons in 2018!

...There will be no need to notate when I'm leaving New Mexico since I will be sending a slice of chocolate cake to every person in America. Due to the rising cost of postage, all cake will be delivered in standard letter-sized envelopes. Therefore, I cannot guarantee the condition of said cake upon arrival. 

If you live outside the United States, don't feel left out. The cake is gluten-free anyway, so you're not missing much.

Enjoy your double blue moons, everyone! And don't forget to bookmark this post for the next double blue moon in 2037, when autonomous cars have taken over the world and our sole hope of salvation is Will Smith and his bionic arm. 


Do you have special plans for the double blue moons of 2018?


By using this site, you agree you have read the full DISCLAIMER.
NOTE: As with any recommendation found on this blog, consult your doctor or naturopath before use.
Some of the above links are affiliate links, which means I make a small percentage AT NO ADDITIONAL COST TO YOU. Affiliate links help keep PennilessPagan.com alive and supplied, so thank you!!♥

Healing Tides Anxiety Release Meditation


Before I share with you my first ever recorded meditation, I'd like to teach you just how one goes about recording a meditation. It is, after all, a highly scientific process. But with these 15 steps, you’ll be recording like a boss in no time!  

1. Test microphone volume and wonder how anyone takes you seriously when you sound like a chipper wood nymph. 

2. Wonder why your “S” sound is so GD over pronounced.

3. Realize there is no way for you to correct “S” sound without sounding like a serial killer.

4. Play with cat who decides now is a good time to shuffle papers.

5. Resume recording now that cat is pacified.

6. Untangle cat from microphone cord. 

7. Record cat purring since untangling evidently feels like a kitty massage.

8. Wait for jet to pass. Hope there is no sonic boom just as you finally close in on that last paragraph.

9. Seriously contemplate hiring voice actor.

10. Wait for train to go by. Wonder if the Universe is conspiring against you.

11. Seriously? More jets?? 

12. Make a cup of matcha while waiting. Stare at sun. Contemplate meaning of life.

13. Decide the slow, soothing tones simply don’t work with your 
valley girl voice. Question purpose in life.

14. Embrace your weird-ass voice and go with a more natural cadence.

15. Turn on a heating pad to distract the cat. Give train number four in less than an hour an angry glare. Trade matcha for pumpkin bread. Hope readers won't share in your distain for elfin voice.


Considering my day started with not one but TWO dropped eggs on my kitchen floor (First my husband, then me. Something I've never done in my entire life!) I’m not surprised roughly 18 trains and 942 jets went by while trying to record. Throw in a naughty cat whose antics make me want to eat him alive due to overwhelming cuteness and you have one worn out blogger! 

Nonetheless, this Healing Tides Anxiety Release Meditation is a useful tool when anxiety becomes suffocating. And all in under 5 minutes! My crazy voice instructions mixed with the healing energies of the ocean tide are a healthy, natural way to slow your heart rate, quell your fears, and return your body to a state of tranquility! Grab yourself a copy by signing up for my monthly newsletter. 




Already a member? Check your inbox, because you have a link waiting for your listening pleasure!

Kick back, relax, and get ready for some wood-nypmhy meditations. Hope you enjoy! 


Do you use guided meditations? What topics would you like addressed in future meditations?

By using this site, you agree you have read the full DISCLAIMER.
NOTE: As with any recommendation found on this blog, consult your doctor or naturopath before use.